


A tale full of sound and fury

by nox_saltator



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-25
Updated: 2010-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:36:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nox_saltator/pseuds/nox_saltator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The "Witch Finder" Aredian ignored Gaius´ attempt to save Merlin from interrogation by taking the blame for the "magic bracelet". And  Merlin is dragged away to Aredian´s chambers for a very hard interrogation. Merlin´s friends try to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Life´s but a walking shadow, a poor player
> 
> That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
> 
> And then is heard no more: it is a tale
> 
> Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
> 
> Signifying nothing."
> 
> Shakespeare, "Macbeth"

When the guards had closed the door to Aredian´s sparsely lit chamber, the witch finder took his time and slowly paced around the room where the boy could not see him. A cat could not have looked more pleased to have cornered a mouse, than Aredian did now. Merlin played the mouse part excellent at this moment; he stood absolutely still, as if he would have invited an attack with his slightest movement.

He fixed his eyes on a dark spot on Aredian´s desk. _"It must be ink, mustn´t it? It could not, must not, be blood….. do not think, do not move, concentrate, just concentrate on controlling your fear and your magic. Do. Not. Do. Anything. Stupid."_

This time he was not invited to sit down. In fact, there was no chair at all but Aredian´s own behind the dark oak desk. So Merlin just stood in front of the desk, trying to breathe very calmly but he could not help clenching his fists by his side. It kept his hands from trembling. Strange, that he had encountered the Dragon, evil magic beasts and even soldiers with swords in their hands, but this single man made him shiver to the bones more than any other threat.

"So! My little sorcerer…" Merlin could not help to start from Aredian´s sudden voice right behind his back. The witch finder walked unnervingly close by him to the other side of the desk.

"I am not a sorcerer!" Merlin said fiercely and raised his gaze to Aredian´s. The sudden anger gave him a steady voice and even made him take a step towards the desk. The witch finder just glanced through some papers, apparently not having heard the young boy´s answer.   
Merlin´s anger vanished as rapidly as it had surfaced. What was this horrifying man up to? What rules had this interrogation game?

Aredian looked up from his papers and it was the hint of a smile on his face, which sent a chill through Merlin.   
_"He enjoys this", he thought, "and there are no rules but those he makes up and changes for his benefit. I cannot win this. Oh Gaius, what shall I do?!"_   
But Gaius was not there to help him.

"Well, it´s only afternoon. We have the whole long evening before us, you and I, and then we have the dark night and after that a fresh new day begins….. the sooner you confess, the shorter our time together will be. And somehow, I have a feeling that you won´t enjoy the hours with me. Confess now and you will save yourself considerable discomfort."

After this little speech, Aredian leaned backwards in his chair and fixed his pale cold eyes on Merlin´s face. Merlin shifted uncomfortably, wetted his lips and tried to find his voice again.

"You wouldn´t call to be burnt at the stake a ´considerable discomfort´?" he asked as flatly as he could.

"You don´t understand, do you boy?" Aredian kept his piercing gaze on Merlin.   
"I know you are a filthy sorcerer, I just need your confession for the king so he can pass the rightful sentence upon you. But you will die, be sure of that. The only question is whether it will be slowly in this chamber or rather quickly in the court yard. And of course, how many of your friends who will die together with you."

"What?!" Merlin stared at him.

"You can´t save yourself, but you have a chance to save that untrustworthy Gaius… or perhaps the suspect little lady Morgana. If I look into the matter, I´m sure I´ll find even more witch weed in Camelot to root out."

Merlin´s heart raced, his stomach knotted and he felt bile rise in his throat. His thoughts twirled around in his head – oh dear Gods, what kind of a devilish trap was this? He tried to show nothing – especially not the panic he felt - on his face while his mind rushed febrile.   
_"Can I really bargain my life for my friends? What stops him from going after them when I confessed… the more confessions he extracts, the more gold he gets. But perhaps he is content with my confession…Arthur will surely speak up for Morgana…"_

And then he almost stopped breathing.   
Arthur.   
What would Arthur say, what would he think if he heard Merlin confess that he was a sorcerer? In an instant, the only thing Merlin could see before him was the look in Arthur´s eyes when he learned that his trusted manservant, his friend, his….. had lied all this time. That Merlin was all that Camelot hated, that he was the very weed they seeked to root out.

No, he could not do that. He could not bring himself to say anything that would hurt Arthur. And the longer he could hold out, the longer time for Gaius, Morgana, Gwen, Arthur to plead with Uther, to think of a plan, to save them selves.   
The only question was how much time he would be able to buy. How much of what Aredian had in mind for Merlin could he take? There was only one way to find out.

Merlin looked firmly at Aredian, took a deep breath and said:   
"I am sorry, but it must have been some mistake. I am not a sorcerer. I have nothing at all to confess. Oh well, maybe that I have eaten some leftover cherry pie from the Prince´s plate occasionally. Sorry – my mistake". He added the last with a sparkling smile and a defiant look in his eyes.

Aredian rose from his chair with a viper´s swiftness. His expression was a terrifying mix of anger and triumph – as if he behind his anger also was delighted that his victim had not succumbed by the pressure so easily. Before Merlin could see what was coming, Aredian had backhanded him so forcefully that he staggered and almost fell to the side.

"You filthy little whore witch, I´ll teach you manners. Stand up!"

Merlin dizzily straightened himself, with his head ringing (please stop) and gingerly touched his mouth. His lower lip was split and he tried in vain to wipe off the blood that trickled down his chin. Oh Gods, it hurt! The man certainly had a hard hand.

He had barely steadied himself before he got the next hard slap in the face – this time on his right side of his mouth instead of his left. This broke his lip in a new place and when he stood up, his eyes stung with tears and his lips were as blood red as if he had painted them.

It was too humiliating to cry before this cruel man who seemed to take a sadistic pleasure in hurting him. But Merlin could not stop some tears to run down his face and as he tried to wipe them off, they mixed with his blood and soon the lower part of his face was smeared with salty, stinging red. It did not matter what he said or did. Aredian would certainly slowly beat him to death. Merlin´s only hope was to prolong the process so… Arthur could save him?   
_"Arthur! Please come! Save me! Forgive me."_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gaius almost bumped into Morgana when he hurried around a corner in one of the castle´s many corridors. She gasped and started backwards just in time for them to avoid the collision.

"Gaius! What´s the matter?" Morgana asked as she regained her breath.

"Aredian – the bloody witch finder – has taken Merlin! I must talk to Uther, he must stop this nonsense. Aredian will do anything to squeeze out a confession from Merlin. And I don´t know how to save the foolish boy." Gaius was uncharacteristically beside himself with agitation.

Morgana felt an ice cold hand gripping her heart. The terror of the interrogation came back to her. The witch finder. Cold eyes watching her with interest, almost amusement, as if she was an animal of some sort, to be dissected and reveal her secrets. No, not Merlin in this man´s hands!

"I´ll come with you to Uther", she said. "But I don´t know what we can say to persuade him that Merlin is innocent and must be released."

"Where is Arthur? Perhaps he can talk to his father."

"He is out on some hunting party again. I think that he just wouldn´t be bothered with this whole witch finder thing. I don´t know when he will be back." Morgana looked at Gaius and suddenly they both were filled with the same feeling of despair. Why did it feel like they were inside a big hour glass in which the sand would soon cover them and suffocate them?

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Aredian walked slowly around the skinny dark haired boy. Arthur´s young manservant stood with his head lowered a little and his shoulder tense, like as if he expected to be hit again anytime. He was right. Suddenly Aredian reached out, grabbed Merlin´s shirt and pulled him close.

"I will break you. I will make you beg me to stop. You will be screaming confessions before I let the executioner have you." Aredian said in a low voice, his breath hot and sour on Merlin´s left cheek. His eyes met Merlin´s. The boy´s eyes seemed to glimmer with gold for an instant, and Aredian felt a bit queasy – but surely it must have been one of the torches reflecting in the boy´s eyes? And Aredian had not have any dinner yet, so it was understandable that his stomach reminded him of it´s existence.

_"No, no, no! Control, I must control myself. No magic, not now, he mustn´t know, no one must know, control, control, do nothing to provoke him anymore. He can do anything, I must inure myself."_ Merlin closed his eyes and tried to breathe calmly, tried to imagine himself under a big willow near the river, relaxing in the green grass….. it all shattered when Aredian shook him violently and throw him to the ground.

"On your feet!" Aredian shouted, "Get on you feet NOW! And don´t try any tricks on me, don´t try to be clever or I´ll smack that smart little slut mouth of yours again!"

He went to the chamber´s door, opened it and spoke quietly with the guards outside. Merlin staggered to his feet as quickly as he could. He did not dare to look at the door or Aredian who went back to the chair behind the desk.

"So", Aredian said and took up a quill and started to write on a new paper, "where did you get this magic bracelet from?" He stopped and looked at Merlin.

"I – I don´t know anything about it. Sir." Merlin tried to be as meek as possible in his voice and stance.

"Who gave it to you?"

"No one gave it to me, sir. I have never seen it before."

"So Gaius put it in the jar?"

"N-no sir, he is no sorcerer either!"

"So where did you get it from?"

"I have never seen it before, sir. As I said."

Aredian sighed and got up from his chair. Too late Merlin realised that his last reply was seen as insolence. The hard punch he got in the stomach made him bend over and then Aredian´s fist hit him in the face. When he fell to the ground he heard the witch finder´s voice:   
"My dinner will be served soon. Don´t make me loose my appetite with your lies or with your snivelling."

When Aredian passed Merlin´s crouched body, he kicked him careless in the belly and walked to a washing stand where he started to wash his hands.

On the floor, Merlin tried to stop a whimper and to get his breath back – not an easy task.   
_"This will be a long evening. Maybe I should wish for my body to give in before my mind does."_


	2. Chapter 2

"Sire, this is an urgent matter. May we please speak with you as soon as possible?" Gaius said. He and Morgana had boldly stepped into the king´s council chamber where Uther and the council members sat around the table, but remained respectfully at the door. There was no point in angering the king more than necessary.

Uther shot Gaius and Morgana a glance and said:   
"You will have to wait until this meeting is over. But it will not be long, the sun is setting and we will soon go down to eat dinner. You have my permission to sit down here while you wait. Morgana, please take a seat."

"Thank you, sire" Gaius said with a short bow and placed himself on a bench along the wall. Morgana said nothing but sat down all ladylike beside Gaius with her hands in her lap and looked as they had all the time in the world. But her fingers plucked and pulled on a loose thread on the embroidered wristband of her dress.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The unnerving sound of a bone being dislocated from its joint seemed to echo through Aredian´s chamber. The man took the chicken leg he just had wrung from the roasted chicken half on his plate, and started eating with apparent delight.

Merlin tried not to look at Aredian´s dinner and instead to concentrate on standing as still as possible. His mouth was swollen and hurt, his left cheek had a dark purple bruise which hurt, his belly definitely hurt – and now he started to be really hungry and thirsty on top of it all.   
Doubtless this was according to the witch finder´s plan to weaken his victims in every way. How Merlin hated that man! If only he could unleash his magic powers on Aredian, destroying him in a blaze….   
_"No! I can´t think like that, feel like that... I must control it!"_ he thought. For he had started to feel that tingling sensation he connected with using his magic. What would happen if he wouldn´t be able to control it? Even if it meant that he could be free from his tormentor, it would be the end of his future in Camelot – and his future with Arthur. His destiny would not be fulfilled.

Merlin closed his eyes for a second and tried to relax as much it was possible while still standing up. Surely, this was no worse than the bruises he had got in childhood fights or during sparring with the prince? He could endure this, he had to endure it.   
There had to be a limit to how long even Aredian could keep interrogating him without taking a break to get some sleep. And then Merlin would have a few hours respite. Perhaps his friends would have come up with something in that time? Perhaps Arthur would be back…. All he had to do now was to keep calm and convince himself that this nightmare would eventually end.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The council had ended and the members were dismissed. King Uther was pacing back and forth in the chamber while Gaius told him that the arresting of Merlin was a mistake and that the boy would break under the witch finder´s harsh methods of interrogation.

"But I sent for the witch finder. If he has detected sorcery here, I cannot tell him to release a suspect just to please you." the king said with a frown.   
"If the boy is really innocent, then he has nothing to fear. Why should he confess to such a horrid crime as sorcery, if he isn´t guilty?"

"But please, sire, this is just what Gaius is trying to explain!" Morgana could not hold her tongue any longer.   
"Aredian´s methods are frightening, he has instruments for all kinds of torture. And he twists every answer till you don´t know what is up or down or right or wrong anymore! He… he terrified me, and you know that I am no witch."

She looked into Uther´s eyes and put a hand on his arm. The gesture could have been a pleading one, a soothing feminine movement, but unfortunately Morgana started to shake the king´s upper arm like he was a stubborn child she wanted to shake some sense into.   
"You must send for Merlin at once! Aredian will hurt him, kill him!" she shouted.

Uther stiffened and calmly disengaged her hand. Gaius looked on, totally overcome. If there had ever been the slightest chance to persuade Uther to release Merlin, it was now gone.   
No one, not even his ward and kin, told the king what he must do.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Aredian had finished his meal at last. When he ate he had acted like Merlin was not there, like there was some piece of furniture and not a slouching bruised boy on the other side of his desk.   
Then there had been some more delay while Aredian left the chamber with the empty plate and was gone for a while.   
_"Using the privy? So he is a human after all."_ Merlin smiled a little to himself and took advantage of the short minutes alone to sink to the floor and rest.

But the heavy door opened all too soon, and Merlin hurried up in standing position again. He wouldn´t give Aredian another free chance to kick him in the stomach.

What time could it be? This chamber had no windows and Merlin felt like he had been in here for hours, but could honestly not tell. When Aredian without warning put a heavy hand on the back of his neck, he started.

"Well, boy, shall we return to the protocol?" Aredian sounded smug, as if they were old friends continuing an interesting game of chess after having had a nice dinner break.

_"He knows exactly what he is doing. How many years have he had to perfect this act? I have no idea what to expect the next moment: being punched or being talked to in a friendly way."_

Merlin´s thought was interrupted by a third way of behaviour from Aredian. The man took his chin in his hand, not caressing but not forcefully either, and turned Merlin´s face a bit from side to side, and seemed to study the injuries he had put there.

"Hm." he said and let go of Merlin´s chin after a too long moment. He continued in a casual tone:   
"Pity on such a pretty face. You really mustn´t put your self in these situations, Merlin. That sweet mouth of yours could be used for better things than telling lies and being cheeky."   
He sneered at Merlin´s shocked face and went to sit down behind the desk.

"You said I had a smart little slut mouth, and you hit me, you fucking bastard, you… you… you disgusting big shithead!"

Merlin completely lost it, and shouted every insult that came to his mind. It was not smart at all, but it felt really good. He hurled himself towards the somewhat surprised Aredian, only to be grabbed and pulled back by three guards who had rushed in to help the witch finder when they heard the yelling.

"Bind his hands!" Aredian ordered. Two guards held Merlin´s arms before him in a firm grip while the third one tightened the ropes around his wrists. When they were done, they viciously pushed him down on the ground. He barely managed to milder the fall with his hands bound, and fell to his side. One of the guards grabbed Merlin´s hair and dragged him on his knees, ignoring his pained moaning.

"Thank you, men" Aredian sounded his cold self again. "You can leave now. I do think that I can handle this foul-mouthed little scamp. He will be very sorry that he disturbed you. Here, have some silver coins for your efforts. You can have a drink at my expense at your canteen."

The guards grinned, thanked him and left.

Aredian went back to his chair and took up his quill. He looked hard at the kneeling boy whose hair now stood up in messy black tufts where the guard had yanked it.

"Do you confess to have used sorcery?"

All fighting spirit had left Merlin. So now he was back on square one, only hungrier, thirstier and more tired and sore than when they started hours ago. It must be night soon, and he could expect no rescue at this hour. And after his truly idiotic act of angry, useless courage – like a kitten attacking a mastiff – he certainly expected no mercy from this man.

An aching chill crept into Merlin´s breast; the same panic he had felt when the interrogation started.   
_"This is a game to him. The only thing he risks is not getting paid. And he makes the rules. I cannot win this game. He can bend me or break me – either way I lose."_

He tried to breathe calmly and not let the sickly feeling of panic bury it´s claws in him.   
_"I must not be afraid. I must not be afraid. I must NOT be afraid."_   
It was no use.

"Do you confess to have used sorcery?" Aredian´s voice was harder this time.

Merlin looked up, almost confused. For a second he had been so concentrated on not being afraid of Aredian, that he had actually forgotten that the man sat no more than two yards from him. Was his mind so easily broken? No, he had to pull himself together.   
He started to get up from his kneeling position because his knees really began to hurt, but before he got anywhere, Aredian bawled out:   
"Stay where you are!"

With a grunt Merlin stopped and stood still on his knees. His wrists were also beginning to ache and he shifted uncomfortably.

Aredian paused to light a new wax candle on his desk, since the first one had almost burnt down. Then he asked a third time:   
"Do you confess to have used sorcery?"

Merlin looked him in the eyes and said wearily:   
"No."

"Where did you get the bracelet from?"

"Nowhere."

"Did you make it?"

"No."

Aredian´s sharp questions kept coming rapidly, but Merlin gave the same vague negative answers whatever the question was. No, nowhere, no one, I don´t know.   
He didn´t even bother to answer back anymore.

_"Just let this be over soon" he prayed silently, "please don´t let him hurt me more, it has to be over soon, give me strength to hold him back."_

But Aredian did not seem to tire; he was like a blood-hound following a scent. When he lit a new candle for the second time, Merlin guessed that it would be well past midnight.   
_"Will the damned man never go to sleep?!"_

Merlin could not keep himself from swaying where he stood, still on his knees. His knees were numb now from the hours on the stone floor, and he was almost thankful for that – at least he couldn´t feel any pain there anymore. But his mouth still ached and the thirst was almost unbearable.

So he dared addressing his tormentor:   
"May I please have some water?"   
His voice came out hoarse.

Aredian looked at him with something near amusement and then almost chuckled:   
"Yes my little sorcerer, as soon as you have confessed, you will get a large cup of cold water."

"I have nothing to confess."   
Merlin glared back at him. Of course it would not be that easy. With a sigh he braced himself; he knew that his body would survive many more hours without a drink of water, but it would not be pleasant hours.   
_"But someone must come down here for me, at least in the morning. I can take this."_

The lack of water must have made him a bit dim already, because he did not notice that Aredian had moved until he stood right beside him. Aredian shot out a hand and grasped his red neckerchief and cut it loose from Merlin´s neck with one swift movement of his other hand. The dagger´s sharp blade glimmered in the soft candle light and with a gasp Merlin tried to dodge, but it was too late. His neckerchief was gone and on his neck was only left some small drops of blood where the dagger had pricked his skin.

"What are you doing?" he cried and looked up frightened in Aredian´s face.

"I don´t have patience with your stubbornness anymore. You´ve had your chance to confess, but apparently you need to be dealt with more harshly. So I´ll give you what you need."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The peripeteia. NB Warnings: Rape, explcit violence, language, angst

The night was warm and very dark, with heavy clouds hiding the moon and the stars. It seemed to Morgana that everything stood completely still – not even the lightest breeze moved through her bedroom despite the fact that she had opened every window before she went to bed.

She writhed in her bed unable to go back to sleep after wakening up from her latest nightmare. Eventually she pulled the bed hangings aside and climbed out of her big bed. The sheets were damp with her sweat, as were her nightgown and her black hair which she stroke out of her face. Morgana sat down at one of the open windows and tried to cool off and perhaps dry her nightgown a little.

But her mind wandered and she could not stop thinking of what to do to save Merlin from that witch hunter. Hundreds of ideas rushed through her frantic mind – she had almost decided to go and get one of Arthur´s swords and storm Aredian´s chamber on her own, when she heard a terrible howl from the outside. It was a painful, strange sound and it was impossible to say whether it came from a human or an animal, or if the creature was inside Camelot´s walls or out in the woods nearby.

Perhaps it was a fox; she had heard that foxes could make strange cries in the summer nights.   
All her resolution melted away as the cry made a resonance through her soul and shook up the memories of her nightmares. Indecisive she leaned her hot forehead against the cool window glass pane and closed her eyes.   
_"What point is it to live if I cannot save my friends lives or even my own? Is ´being alive´ the same thing as ´live´? What is happening to me? I feel like a walking shadow."_

Her eyes burnt with tears and she wrapped her arms around herself, slightly rocking back and forth soothingly. She pretended it was Merlin she held to protect and to comfort.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In Gaius´ chambers the oil lamps still burned. The court physician paced around, unable to sleep or to get a feasible idea of how to save Merlin. He leafed through one book, put it aside and impatiently leafed through another but was not really concentrating on reading the texts. And what did he think he could find in his books anyway? A miracle cure for stubborn kings? Some remedy for greedy, vengeful and malicious men who called them selves "witch finders"?

_"Oh dear Gods! Let Merlin come out safe and sound from Aredian´s hands! Let Uther be reasonable tomorrow! As soon as the day breaks, I will go and speak with him again."_

The mere thought of his scrawny, grinning, good hearted and talented young Merlin in Aredian´s power made Gaius´ heart ache unbearably. The old man slumped down in his chair and dabbed his forehead with a linen cloth he took out from his pocket. It really was an uncomfortably warm night.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Merlin´s heart throbbed and he had a vile taste of iron in his mouth. When Aredian had raised his sharp dagger for the second time, he thought that his last moment in this world had finally come. Not even being able to scream, Merlin had simply screwed up his eyes and waited for the pain when the blade would cut through his skin, muscles and veins.

But when the knife came down, it did not go into his flesh. Instead it cut open his linen shirt from the neck to the hem. Aredian quickly worked the blade through the remains of Merlin´s shirt and tore the shreds from his body. Merlin opened his eyes and realised with a shudder why he was half naked. Aredian stood in front of him, holding a long switch and beating it in the air a couple of times. It looked liked he was testing it, but more likely he just wanted to scare Merlin a bit. He succeeded in that – the thought of a whipping really unnerved Merlin.

Aredian put the switch aside on his big desk and grabbed Merlin´s bound wrists, dragging him on his feet and towards some sort of wooden frame with metal rings on different parts of it. Merlin was pushed to face the frame and had his still fettered hands pulled above his head so Aredian could tie them to a ring. Before he had registered what was really going on, Merlin was bound firmly with his hands together to this…. whipping post?

A whizz and then a sharp pain on his bare back. Merlin could not hold back a short high-pitched cry when the first blow hit him and his body jerked. The second and third blows came so quickly that he could only gasp for air as he pressed against the wood trying in vain to escape the lash.

Aredian paused and asked the trembling youth:   
"Do you confess to sorcery?"

Merlin tried to compose himself, stop himself from shaking, crying – he tried to find his voice again. He drew his breath and almost shouted:   
"No!"

What could he say? What could he do? He was in this merciless man´s power but had to endure…. how long?   
_"….just some more minutes, just think of this moment and then the next and the next and…. Arthur!!"_   
Merlin´s thoughts were more and more in turmoil; he tried to concentrate on not concentrating on his body. It felt like the third blow had drawn blood, though. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, with the only intent to not giving this brute the satisfaction of him crying out loud. At least not yet.

Aredian seemed unpleasantly satisfied with Merlin´s refusal to confess this time. It was as if the torturer had got new energy when he started the whipping.

"So it seems that I have to flog out the devil from you, then. Remember, you bring this on your self."

He walked the few steps to the whipping post and stood right behind Merlin, put his mouth close to the boy´s ear and said with a low, almost purring voice:

"You see, I can do this for a very, very long time without getting tired. You´ll only prolong the agony with your stubbornness. I will break you. I´m much stronger than you are, _young warlock._"

The last words sent an unwilling shiver through Merlin; they were the very same words that the great dragon used to say to him. But there was no way that Aredian could know about that, was there? No, it must be a coincidence, just a part of his "game" to make his victims unsure of themselves. But before Merlin could stop himself, one word had left his mouth with a mocking tone – somehow without involving his brain:

"Really?"

Aredian made some angry inarticulate noise and took a couple of quick steps away.

"You´re going to be so sorry for that smart mouth of yours!"

A new blow hit Merlin´s back and he pursed his lips and dug his fingernails into his palms to keep the scream inside him. As the lashes tore his back to blood, he lost track of time.   
_"Breathe…. Breathe…. Breathe"_

Then the pain swept away even this single thought and he could not stop a sob which grew to a high moan and then a scream.   
This was the darkest hour of the night.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Arthur impatiently threw another stick in the small camp fire. It had been a rotten hunting so far; the only game they had gotten were some hares – quite humiliating.

But there was something else that made him restless and irritated, too. That "witch finder" his father had sent for had made Arthur feel that Camelot was too small and too crowded with idiots. He did what he usually did when he could not confront Uther but felt that he must let out some steam: he went out with some knights hunting. Sometimes he even took his fumbling manservant with him, but this time Arthur had just snapped some orders to Leon and Gawain and the three had ridden out in haste.

The night was hot and although Leon and Gawain were snoring beside the fire, Arthur was not able to go back to sleep. He sat with his back to a stone on the other side of the fire, staring absentminded into the flames. Some hours ago he had lain down on his blanket and somehow passed into a light sleep. But then he was suddenly awake – first he did not know what it was that had woke him up, and then he heard someone say _"Arthur! Save me! Arthur!"_

When he looked around, his trusted knights were asleep and did not look like they were having nightmares either. The voice had sounded familiar, though…..   
Merlin! It had been Merlin´s voice he had heard…. in his dream?   
With some embarrassment Arthur wondered why he had dreamt of Merlin, his manservant, well his friend, his….. The prince did not finish his thought but his cheeks got a bit hot. He was somehow glad that he was the only one awake now.

Stupid, irritating, cheeky, loyal Merlin with his bony body and sweet sticking-out ears and blue eyes and lovely cheek-bones and soft-looking mouth…… _"Whoa! Stop, stop, stop…… what am I thinking of?? He is no bloody GIRL!"_

With even hotter cheeks he drew up his knees, rested his elbows on them and let his head fall back against the smooth stone. Gazing up at the coal black clouded sky, he tried to think of something else, anything would do, but his thoughts kept wandering back to Merlin and what was going on in Camelot. That strange, haunted look in Merlin´s eyes when Uther had talked about sending for the witch finder to ferret out sorcerers…. Arthur had also seen the worried glances Merlin and Gaius had exchanged when they thought nobody noticed.

When the witch finder himself had arrived with his torture instruments and iron cage on a cart, Arthur had had enough of this idiocy. Yes, magic and spells were evil things which had no place in this kingdom, but was it necessary for his father to see magic everywhere and then hire crude men like Aredian?

The gnawing thought of the look in Merlin´s eyes and of Aredian´s cage would not leave Arthur´s mind. He looked around. The night was at it´s darkest now and would soon start to brighten to dusk and then to dawn. He made his mind up and rose to wake Gawain and Leon – as soon as it started to dawn they would ride back as fast as they could. They were almost half a day´s ride from Camelot.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had stopped. The whipping had stopped at last – through his dazed mind Merlin noticed this. He hung with almost his whole weight on his sore outstretched arms, slumped against the wooden frame. Breathing heavily with open mouth, he leaned his forehead to the hard wood right in front of his face. It got damp from his sweat. Even if he had tried, he could not have gathered his mind to defend himself with magic. The pain and fear was too big now and he was on the verge of losing consciousness.

A stream of water was suddenly poured on his head and as the water ran down his face, he sputtered and at the same time tried to swallow these lovely drips of water. His mind got a bit clearer and he gingerly put his weight on his feet and legs again to ease the strain on his poor arms and shoulders.

"Oh no, little witch whore, you won´t get away so easily. Don´t you dare pass out and miss all the fun!"   
Aredian´s voice was ice cold and intense at the same time. He put his face close to Merlin´s dripping face and when he gazed into the boy´s eyes, Merlin could see that chilling flicker of madness, of something that could not be reasoned with.

_"It doesn´t matter now what I say or do"_, he thought, _"he has something in mind for me."_

The witch finder fiddled with something at his desk and then came back to Merlin. He grabbed the boy´s right ankle and dragged it out the right, then tied the ankle tight to the remotest part of the frame with some rope and then tied his left ankle in the same way. Merlin was now spreadeagled with the lower part of his body; his hands were still tied above his head.

Aredian gripped Merlin´s dark wet hair and pulled his head back so Merlin had to look into his face. The tall man stood very close behind Merlin and he put his dagger to the boy´s throat. Slowly he pressed his body against Merlin´s aching back and buttocks.   
_"No. No. No. Not this. Please, not this."_ was Merlin´s only desperate thought.   
Aredian had a hard-on.

"Well, you see, your pretty mouth could have helped you out of trouble instead of getting you into it", Aredian said as he put the cool blade on Merlin´s swollen lips. When he saw the terrified look in his prisoner´s eyes, he removed the blade and smiled, still with a firm grip on his hair.

Some other part of Merlin took charge, some part that tried to get him out alive from this chamber, at any cost. As one part of his mind tried to collect itself enough to come up with some magic, the other half babbled:

"Let me satisfy you with my mouth then, please sir. I´m so sorry if you´re angry, but I can suck your cock and you´ll relax, please don´t hurt me anymore, let me loose and I´ll be on my knees to please you, you won´t regret it!"

For an instant Aredian looked surprised, then he took a step backwards and thrust Merlin´s head into the wooden frame. Merlin felt the skin burst open where his brow hit the wood and a little blood trickled down, and the sudden pain made him moan. A half second later, the pain in his back also hit him with full force and the moan became something halfway between a sob and a shrill scream.

Aredian´s black shirt had stuck to the bloody wounds when he had pressed himself to Merlin´s back and when he suddenly backed, the drying blood stuck to the shirt and tore some wounds open again. Merlin felt like his whole back was on fire and burning right in to his spine.

_"I can stand this no more. Don´t care what happens…. A spell…away….from here…"_

But he was too tired, too scared, in too much pain, too weakened to use his magic. And that frightened him even more.

"So I was right after all about you being a little whore. The Prince´s manservant is it, eh? Do you serve him at night too? Then I´m also right about you being a filthy little sorcerer. Confess now!"

Aredian put the tip of his dagger to Merlin´s lower back and continued a bit calmer:

"Confess and you´ll get some rest now, and some water and food. Then it´ll be over. Your Gaius and lady Morgana will be safe. I´ll collect my money and be on my way. Do it for them, boy!"

Merlin said nothing, did not move. His eyes burnt with tears now and they flow over and ran down his face. He tried to breathe calmly and not sob.

"Well, well. I see that you think you´re brave and all that. So be it. I´ll have my fun with you, pretty boy, then you´ll have some hours rest in chains in a dungeon while I sleep and have breakfast. Then we will start all over again, until you confess."

The older man grasped the waistline of Merlin´s breeches and cut them loose with his sharp dagger. Merlin shook in his whole body when he was naked, but still tried to suppress his sobs.

So this beast was going to rape him.   
And eventually the guards would be back, dragging him off to the dungeons and chain him naked to the wall, and then they would drag him back here….. Of course no one would come to save him, how could he have been so stupid? He was just a simple servant to them all, why would Gaius or Morgana risk their necks to save his? And Arthur……for heaven´s sake, he was the prince, the king´s only son – Merlin´s master, not his friend!

Then Aredian was right behind him and unfastened his own breeches. Merlin leaned his forehead against the wooden frame again and closed his eyes.   
_"I am not here"_ he thought, _"I am not feeling this."_   
But he was.

Aredian parted the boy´s buttocks and put his erected cock on Merlin´s arsehole. Merlin could hear the man spit in his hand and felt the wetness when Aredian rubbed the saliva between the tip of his cock and Merlin´s anus. Then the witch finder pushed inside Merlin with one really hard thrust and Merlin screamed in pain. It felt like he would be split in two, like the man tortured him by impaling him on a splintery wooden beam.

As Aredian was thrusting back and forth in Merlin´s arse, with hard hands on the slender hips, the boy wished that he could lose consciousness again, but his brain did not show him that mercy. With a groan Aredian came inside him, was still for a moment and then pulled out. Merlin could feel something warm running from his arsehole and was sure that it was not only semen but also blood. It hurt, oh dear Gods how it hurt!

The awful man panted and then leaned forwards, grabbed Merlin by the hair once more and then _kissed him_ on the neck.

"Ohh....you were a sweet plum to pick. You know…...I could have use for a pretty boy like you. I´ve changed my mind. Come with me and save your life. No one here will care for a tainted little slut like you anyway. But if you serve me well with that arse and mouth, I´ll take care of you." Aredian mumbled in his ear.

Merlin was beside himself now. His body hurt so much that he thought he would go insane and now he was starting to take in what this black-clad devil with pale eyes told him.   
Maybe it was true. Maybe he was nothing, only a soiled stupid servant who had believed himself to be a great warlock but had done nothing to defend himself from being whipped and raped. In fact, he had even offered to give his rapist a blowjob. He deserved no one better than Aredian.

The witch finder squeezed Merlin´s buttocks and then parted them. His cock was hard again and he pushed it inside the sore and bleeding hole once more. This time he would have lifted Merlin from the ground with his thrusts, if the young man´s ankles had not been tied to the frame. When Aredian came this time, he cried out loud, grabbed Merlin´s hips hard and bit him in the back of the neck. More blood flooded from Merlin´s anus down the inside of his buttocks and thighs when Aredian pulled out with a smile.

"This is a night well spent, I´d say" he said with an amused look at Merlin´s hanging head. "Don´t worry, my little harlot, those blood stains on my breeches and shirt will wash away. I even think that you will be able to wash them away as my nimble servant."

He fastened his breeches, went to the desk and poured water in a tankard and drank with big gulps. Merlin was very still in his fetters and his breath was shallow. Aredian put the tankard aside, picked up the switch and walked back to his prisoner. He raised the switch and landed it on Merlin´s buttocks. With a scream that sounded more like a wounded animal than a human, Merlin throw his head back. Aredian chuckled and let the blows rain on the naked boy´s buttocks and thighs.

Outside this torture chamber the day was dawning.


	4. Chapter 4

The grey light had changed into something brighter and the three riders were able to speed up a bit as they made their way through the woods. Arthur led the way and he could not help hearing a voice in his head that urged him to go even faster.

But there seemed to be trees and thickets everywhere on their path back and he could not remember that they had had to force their way through all this – but probably his mind had been on other things at that time.

At the time they reached the meadows outside the forest, the sun had risen but Arthur did not halt to eat or drink. His feeling that something was very wrong in Camelot thing got stronger by the minute.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gaius woke up with a start and almost fell from his chair. He had a troubling sense that it was something very important he had forgotten – some concoction on the hearth perhaps? Or was it something else?

_"Oh dear, I´m getting too old for this…. my assistant should be the one sleeping in a chair all night to make sure the fire doesn´t go out….. Merlin!"_

Gaius´ thoughts cleared with the last word. That was it – he had to see the king as soon as possible to save Merlin from the horrid witch finder Aredian!

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Maybe the night had come to an end. Maybe he was dead. Merlin did not know for real what was happening, why the pain was somehow less than before – he was dimly aware of not being hit anymore. But his hands were still tied above his head and his feet were tied apart, and his whole body felt like a big, open wound.

_"So I guess I´m not dead yet…. Or death is also a big cruel jest."_

Slowly Merlin opened his eyes and tried to breathe as easily as he could. The room was still sparsely lit with some oil lamps and candles, but he could not see anyone or even the shadow of anyone, neither did he hear anything but his own ragged breath. He tried to lick his lips but his mouth was just incomprehensible dry and his tongue felt more like a thick cloth than anything.

Then he heard steps of someone in boots behind his back, steps coming up to him and the person who made the sound came to stand next to him….. and when that person put his hand on his shoulder, Merlin made a small noise of fear, like a mouse when the cat put it´s paw on him to finish the deadly game. The big cat that was called Aredian looked down at his prey.

"Well, my little sorcerer, I think we´ve had enough for the first night. It´s almost morning and I know you´ve begun to understand that I am very serious about this. I´ve made you an offer: confess – or save you life and come with me. It is one way or the other."

Aredian ran his fingers slowly down Merlin´s back and buttocks, tracing the lines of blood he had made with his whip. He did not wait for Merlin to say anything, but untied his ankles and then the rope that held his wrists to the metal ring above his head. Shivering, still with his wrists bound together, Merlin turned around and staggered from the wooden frame. He only managed four steps before he collapsed to his knees, trying to steady himself with his hands before him on the ground. With his head hung down, he could not stop the deep sobs that started to force their way from his breast. Aredian coolly studied the scene.

"It hurts a bit to discover that you´re not the hero you imagined yourself to be, eh? That you´re more of a little shit, a nobody servant dallying with some peasant spells but not really an important person."

Aredian put his hand on Merlin´s head, stroking his hair comfortingly.

"But don´t _worry_ lad, I´ll take care of you", Aredian continued, now grabbing the boy´s hair instead of caressing it, "I will save your life by taking you out of here. I´m not as hard as you may think as a master – this night was only business, well, almost. And remember, you will save those masters and nobles in Camelot you thought were your _friends_." He almost spat out the last word and let go of Merlin.

_"I must…. he must stop. Stupid. I´m so stupid. How could I ever think that anyone here….. No, he can´t win….but I can´t take this anymore!"_

All kind of unfinished thoughts romped around in Merlin´s head. He did not even have the energy to sob anymore but just let his tears ran silently down the cheeks and land on the stone floor.

"I….. I….. I will do as you say. Servant." he said quietly with his voice hoarse from the night´s screaming, sobbing and thirst. Suddenly the chamber seemed so much darker.

A triumphant smile – or perhaps more like a wolf showing it´s teeth –lit up Aredian´s  
face when he heard Merlin speak. He marched up to his desk and poured a drink in his tankard.

"Good boy!" he exclaimed and then drank.

At this point, Merlin could only hear the sound of some liquid being poured and gulped down. Maybe he could get something to drink now?

"Can I….. Water. Please."

"Alright." Aredian poured some water in a small cup he took off the desk and went back to Merlin.   
He put the cup to Merlin´s lips and let him drink the content; it was not much but just the feeling of moist against his sore, dry lips and then the cool liquid going down his throat, made Merlin almost happy. Hope opened a window a let a tiny light shine into his heart.

"Enough!" said the man and put the empty cup back on the desk.

Aredian forced Merlin to stand up by firmly grabbing his right upper arm and almost lift him from the floor. Merlin tried to cover his crotch with his bound hands because even if Aredian already had abused him, he felt even more ashamed of being seen so totally stripped. But the evil man noticed Merlin´s useless efforts and merely seemed slightly amused.

"Don´t play the shy little virgin now", he said harshly, "it´s a bit late for that, isn´t it? I know what you are!"

Merlin was led staggering to a smaller room next to the interrogation chamber. When Aredian had shoved him into the darkness and lit a horn lantern which he put on a large chest beside the door, Merlin could see that the room was not a torture chamber or a dungeon, but most probably Aredian´s quarters.

The rough stone walls were painted white and there was no window, but a few simple but well-crafted wooden pieces of furniture together with things like candlesticks and a wash-basin, signalled that somebody was supposed to sleep here. Aredian closed the door behind them, pushed Merlin down on the floor beside the bed and picked something up from the small table. It was an iron collar attached to a chain.

While the witch finder locked the collar around Merlin´s neck and fastened the chain to an iron ring in the wall a bit from the bed, Merlin just sat with closed eyes and tried to summon up the words of some spell, some energy to perform his magic. But he was still to hurt and confused to concentrate.   
_"Arthur! Help me! Arthur!"_ were the only coherent words his mind could form.

Aredian sat down on the bed and said:   
"Look at me! And pay attention."

Merlin opened his eyes and looked wearily his tormentor in the face.

"The chain is long enough to let you lie down or stand up close to the wall, but it´s too short for anything else. So don´t you get any ideas in your little head about getting to me in my bed."

Merlin let out a derisive snort at the last words – "don´t flatter yourself" – and immediately regretted it when Aredian slapped him hard in the face. Merlin tried to say, to scream, that he was sorry, but Aredian had grabbed him by his hair and kept slapping and backhanding him with his right hand.

"You don´t learn fast, do you?! But I´ll break you in!"

When Aredian finished, Merlin´s head was spinning, his mouth and nose were bleeding and before he could put up any kind of resistance, he was pushed forward so he was leaning on his underarms. Aredian was suddenly behind him, pushing his knees apart and unfastening his own breeches.

The third rape ripped open the wounds again and made them bleed more, and Merlin had no voice left to scream with when the pain overcame him.

No sounds from surrounding castle were heard in this room, only an unnerving blend of the vague inarticulate moaning from a bleeding boy on the floor and the commonplace sound of a man taking off his leather boots and stretching out on a bed. It was as if the room was now it´s own little world of pain and of terror.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun had only been up for a couple of hours and the servants performed their morning duties, when the young prince and two of his knights galloped in on the castle courtyard as if demons were after them. Arthur jumped off his horse, threw the reins to a stable hand and stormed up the stairs without waiting for Leon or Gawain.

"Father!" Arthur shouted as he ran to Uther´s private chambers. In one motion he managed to knock and open the door, but he had to stop just inside the room to catch his breath after the long run. While he tried to composure himself, he took in the scene before him: his father was sitting in his armchair looking concerned, and Gaius was sitting in a chair before him, apparently talking intensive about something… or someone.

Uther and Gaius looked up surprised at Arthur, and he managed to pant:   
"M..Merlin… where is…. he?"

"Arthur! What has happened? I didn´t expect you back until next morning." Uther said.

"Merlin is in the witch finder Aredian´s chambers, and I believe Aredian occupies some of the rooms on the ground floor in the left wing, close to the entrance to the dungeons." Gaius looked straight into Arthur´s eyes when he uttered his words very clearly.

"Thank you!" Within a wink Arthur had turned and run out again. The two old men in the chamber stared after him - one with a confused look on his face, the other man with a strange mix of relief and anxiety.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_"Merlin! M-e-e-e-erlin!!"_   
The bound and chained boy on the floor opened his eyes and came to his senses with a gasp. Someone was calling him but he was not sure if the voice had been real or only in his imagination or dreams. He was lying on his belly with his bound arms stretched out before him, and somehow he had managed to rest his head on the floor and drifted away, somewhere between sleep and unconsciousness. Now he tried to get his aching limbs to cooperate enough to let him sit up on his knees – if he took one slow step at a time, he would be able to stand up.

"Merlin!"   
The voice was suddenly very near and very real and very familiar –   
"Arthur!" Merlin tried to shout but a hoarse croaking was the best he could manage.

Before Merlin had succeeded in more than dragging himself into a half sitting position, the door burst open and a young warrior in a leather jerkin stood in the doorway. His sword shone like silver and his hair glimmered like gold in the soft light from the lantern. In this moment he looked to Merlin like a god who had descended to save him and mankind.

"Arthur!" he said again, but this time it was no more than a whisper.

But Arthur just stared at him with a horror-stricken face. Suddenly a dark figure with something glimmering of metal in his hand, moved with speed across the room. Merlin realised that it was Aredian with his sharp dagger. The man did not recognize the prince but did only see an armed man who had broken into his room. Now everything happened very fast, although to Merlin it seemed like the time slowed down enough to make a heartbeat last a minute.

He could clearly see Arthur´s surprised face when he shifted his gaze from Merlin to the charging man with a blade in his hand, and he felt his friend´s momentary hesitation and confusion.   
He felt the hatred and anger beaming out from Aredian, and knew that he wanted to kill the intruder.   
He got filled with a rage red and roaring like dragon´s fire as he saw the witch finder reading himself to stab Arthur.

Without moving, Merlin just stared at Aredian with golden eyes and let his fury and mind become one and shoot through the air.

_"....elding blodthz..."_ The words passed through his mind without thinking.

Aredian stopped like he had been struck by lightning, his face a mask of pain and agony. Half a second later Arthur ran him through with his sword. The witch finder tried to scream but pink foam and dark red clots of blood gushed from his mouth instead. When Arthur pulled out his sword, Aredian fell backwards dropping his dagger, and lay twisting on the floor like a big black snake for some instants before he became still. His last look was on Merlin and was filled with fear.

"That… that witch finder, what… what has he done to you?"   
Arthur´s shaky voice eventually broke the silence.

"What did the bastard do, oh god I´m so sorry, I´m so sorry, I should´ve taken you with me, I didn´t understand…" Babbling on, Arthur put his sword back and threw himself on knee before Merlin, reaching out to somehow comfort him but not daring to touch his bloodied face or body.

"Arthur. Arthur." Merlin hoarse voice and half dead look silenced the prince.   
"Arthur, it´s alright." Which of course was far from true.

Now they could hear shouts, the clang of metal and footsteps from the bigger room – obviously Leon, Gawain and others had caught up with Arthur and found their way to the witch finder´s chambers. Suddenly Arthur realised that Merlin was completely without clothes. He jumped up, tore the blanket and sheet from the bed and as carefully as he could, draped the linen sheet around Merlin. He considered the woollen blanket also but decided that it would lie to heavy on the wounds. They would get Merlin up to Gaius and medical treatment before he could get cold – and the morning was as warm as the night had been.

Gawain and Leon showed their worried faces and they looked even more alarmed when they saw their prince on the floor, cutting the ropes around the wrists of a hunched figure who had blood smeared all over his face and was swept in bloodstained linen. Then they saw the dead body and all the blood around it.

"Search that murderer´s clothes – he has the key to the iron collar! Or get a black smith! And tell someone to get a stretcher, we have to get Merlin to Gaius NOW! And tell Gaius that he must hurry to his hospital chamber and start preparing…. something!"

Arthur shouted out his orders and got his knights and the servants who had followed them running to obey. When he had cut Merlin´s hands free, he started to carefully massage his friend´s hands and lower arms to help the blood circulation and ease the stiffness. At the moment he was not able to leave Merlin for a second, he could not even let go of his hands. Something in his heart felt broken. The worst thing was that Merlin looked like something essentially in him had broken.

Merlin tried to shut out the clamour around him by closing his eyes and letting Arthur massage and touch his hands and arms. It felt good, it really did. But then, what would happen then? He was glad that the evil bastard was dead, that he had killed Aredian and that the damned man had known it in his last moment. But what if Arthur saw what happened before he thrust his sword through Aredian?

_"And all that the bastard did to me….. what I let him do…. I said that he could…all he said to me…"_

Merlin´s thoughts stopped there. His brain stopped there. His feelings stopped. It was all too much.

He tried to open his eyes again but found that he could not do it. Distantly he heard Arthur´s voice but could not make out the words. Then he fell backwards in a black tarn and the cool water closed above his head and seeped through his body as he slowly sank into complete darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you waiting so long.... But at last: The finishing chapter!

Sunlight. The golden trickling in the water must be the sunlight. He was floating in the deeps, slowly revolving in the lukewarm water surrounding him and feeling completely at ease. The light got brighter and brighter as he moved towards the surface, and the he suddenly broke the water surface with a gasp for air.

Merlin opened his eyes. He saw a wall painted in soothingly cream white and he was on his stomach, resting on something soft and smooth. Around him, there were light sounds of persons moving about and he heard muffled voices and from a distant the soft summer-like twitter of birds. Drowsily, he turned his head so he rested on his right cheek instead of his left – and immediately sucked in his breath with a start. Only five or six inches from his face there was another face! Blue half-open eyes looked at him and with a genuine smile the blue-eyed and fair-haired young man said:

"´Morning, sleepy-head."

Merlin´s first instinct was to throw himself out reach for the man but the next moment he recognized Arthur: friend. He relaxed.

Resting on his elbow, Arthur shouted:

"Gaius! He´s awake!"

After that, he sunk back on the bed and continued to look into Merlin´s eyes while he stretched out a hand and gingerly touched the dark hair, the temple, the cheek and last – very lightly – Merlin´s swollen lips. The smile vanished from Arthur´s face and instead his lips hardened and he clenched his jaw.

"Fuck the bastard", he said between gritted teeth, "I wish I could run my sword through him ten times more, that I could rip him open and tear out his worthless guts and burn them!"

Slowly but inevitable, like a great wave moving from sea to shore, it all came back to Merlin: himself on his knees with tied wrists, the switch falling mercilessly on his body, someone breathing heavily against the back of his neck while a penetrating pain rose from his arse into his inners as he was….. penetrated…. by...... Aredian.   
Aredian.

The memory filled his mind and body until he could hardly breathe. Beaten. Broken. Violated. Soiled. Humiliated. He could not stand Arthur´s gaze upon him anymore, so he screwed up his eyes but could not stop himself from shivering.

Gaius had put up a screen with curtains to shield Merlin´s bed from the rest of the hospital chamber, even though Merlin was the only patient at the moment. The boy´s wounds were not severe but the many cuts and the dried blood on his thighs and between his buttocks, indicated that he had been maltreated in a way that had hurt his soul as well as his body.

To Gaius´ experience, this kind of abuse made the victim feel extraordinarily vulnerably and, more often than not, filled with unjust self-accusations. Gaius had a feeling that the best thing for Merlin right now was a bit of seclusion and privacy, but he had not been able to keep the prince from the boy´s side.

Arthur had simply refused to leave Merlin, and had hold his friend´s head when Gaius poured some herbal drugs in Merlin´s mouth to take away the pain and put him to a deep sleep. When Gaius had washed Merlin and put some healing oils on the whipmarks, Arthur had held the unconscious boy´s hand, and he awkwardly looked away when Gaius very carefully put a greased pipette between Merlin´s buttocks and repeatedly dripped something in his friend´s anus.

Together they had managed to move Merlin from the table where Gaius dressed the wounds to the large bed behind the screen. Without a word Arthur had pulled off his jerkin and his hunting boots, emptied two cups of red wine from Gaius´ decanter, lain down beside Merlin on the bed and grabbed his hand. As Gaius had sighed and closed the curtain, Arthur had drifted into sleep.

Now the old man hurried to the bed, pulled the curtain aside and saw the prince holding his servant´s left hand with a worried expression.

"Merlin! Merlin! Come on, it´s only me. It´s alright, you´re safe now, the bastard is dead, no more hurting, I swear, please Merlin!"

Arthur´s voice had risen to a shrill, childish pleading and he looked more frightened than comforting when he watched Merlin shiver and shake with his eyes screwed up and tightly pursed lips.

"Gaius, what´s happening? What can I do?"

Arthur turned his helpless face to Gaius and looked like he was on the verge to start crying.

"Move, sit up on the edge of the bed but don´t let go of his hand." Gaius did not care about addressing the prince in a courtly manner; here and now Arthur was no more and no less than a friend.

As Arthur swiftly did as told, the physician touched Merlin´s forehead, stroking it very lightly with the tips of his index and long fingers. He slowly spoke with a soft voice:

"Merlin…. Merlin….. come back. Come back to your friends. We are here to take care of you. You are safe. Merlin….. Merlin.....".   
Gaius repeated the words again and again in his soft tone, like a hypnotic spell. He kept stroking Merlin´s forehead.

Arthur did not know how long they sat like that, but in the end Merlin´s body calmed down and his face relaxed and he even opened his eyes. Gaius smiled and looked into Merlin´s eyes with warmth.

"Thank you, Merlin. You are doing fine. You will heal."

There was silence again. No one moved. The only sound heard was the distant twitter from outside. A soft breeze from an open window made the curtain billow a little. The walls caught the sunlight and embedded the room in a warm brightness. The room was the very symbol of friendliness and peace. Yet it was full to overflowing with sadness.

"I´m thirsty. And hungry."

With a hoarse, almost cracking voice, Merlin broke the silence. Arthur and Gaius both looked as he had given them an expensive, long-wished-for gift.

"Of course, you have slept more than 24 hours without stirring. And before that you didn´t got much to eat or drink, I guess…" Gaius broke off.

He hastily rose from the bed and went for the door.

"I´ll send one the servants to get you both some food, and to tell Lady Morgana and Gwen that you´re awake."

He turned as he just remembered something and continued:

"And oh, Arthur, your father sent four messengers here while you slept. I told them that you had to rest and that neither you nor Merlin will be in any condition to answer questions before tomorrow. The king still wants to see you as soon as possible – he wants some explanation of the circumstances about Aredian´s death, I think."

With these words, Gaius turned his heel and left the room.

"Let him wait!" Arthur snarled. "He seemed in no hurry to get you out from that torture chamber!"

Then he looked at Merlin and his expression softened.

"I don´t think that I´ll ever forgive myself for not taking you with me that morning. But I was just so angry, and then when you cried my name in the forest I woke and…." Arthur´s voice died away in embarrassment and he stared at the linen sheet with a sudden interest.

There was an awkward silence, but Merlin now watched Arthur with a strange glint in his eyes.

"Did you hear me cry out your name – in you dream?" he asked.

"Uh, well, yes, must have been… sort of a dream, I guess." Arthur´s face had taken on a reddish colour.

"I _did_ call for you, Arthur. When …he beat me, I wished for you to save me."

Arthur raised his gaze to meet Merlin´s, but it now contained more fear than embarrassment.

"You... you don´t think it´s sorcery somehow, do you? I mean, that you cried and I could hear it, although we were miles away from each other?"

A shadow went over Merlin´s face and the glint disappeared from his eyes. He just looked weary and sad.

"No, I don´t think it was anything magic. Just some bond between two…. friends."

Arthur looked relieved and he impulsively reached for Merlin´s hand again. Before he could think, he had grabbed the long, smooth hand and kissed it, and his eyes filled with tears. He leaned forward and pressed the backside of Merlin´s hand to his brow and eyes. With a great sob the dam broke and warm tears steamed down Merlin´s hand as his prince cried like his chest was ready to burst.

Merlin´s eyes also spilled over with tears, but they just ran quietly down his cheeks and wetted his pillow.

_"How can I tell him about me…. a sorcerer…. what I said to that evil man to please him….. Oh, shit, Aredian destroyed me, he destroyed everything!"_

He closed his eyes, could not stand watching the man he so longed for, cry so hard for his sake – he was not worth it. Not anymore.

Arthur´s wild crying calmed down and he let go of Merlin´s wet hand and tried to dry his face from tears, snot and saliva with his shirtsleeve.

"Sorry I lost it. But when I saw you chained and bloody all over on that floor, I mean, it was like my heart broke. I thought you were dying!"

Without opening his eyes, Merlin said:

"Unfortunately not."

"Hey, don´t say that!" Arthur sounded so upset that Merlin opened his eyes again, but the prince continued:   
"Why, oh, I mean, are you in so much pain?! I´m sorry, I forgot you´re thirsty. I´ll get you some water!"

Without waiting for an answer, Arthur jumped up from the bed and then Merlin could hear the unsorted noises of clay cups rolling on a table, something breaking and muffled swearing.   
Merlin could not help smiling a bit to himself.

_"At least there is one person in Camelot who would be a clumsier servant than me."_

"Do you think you could manage to sit up a bit?" Arthur put down a jug and two cups of different sizes on the small table beside the bed. Carefully, Merlin drew himself up on his right elbow and shifted so he rested more on his side than on his belly. As soon as he was moving, his body started to make itself reminded with a dull ache. The effect of the painkilling drug was obviously decreasing. When he moved his legs, a sharper, deeper pain shot from his behind and he groaned. How badly had that beast torn him inside?

Arthur handed him the largest cup with a worried face and then sat down on the bed again. He reached for the other cup and they drank their water in silence.

"Thank you", Merlin said and gave his cup back to Arthur, who put it on the table. Merlin had drawn the sheet up to his armpits since he was completely naked, and now laid down again on his side with a new groan of pain. He folded his right arm under the pillow where he rested his head, and looked at Arthur. They studied each other in silence.

Without letting go of his gaze, Arthur laid down on his left side beside Merlin. He then softly took Merlin´s left hand in his right and they locked fingers. They simply rested there, no one moving, no one saying anything. But something happened, something changed between them there and then. They lost track of time.

Merlin felt like his heart had been chilled to ice and now slowly started to warm again.

Arthur opened his mouth and began:   
"Merlin…... do you think you could –"

Suddenly there was a clamour outside the chamber, and the next moment the door swung open and Morgana and Gwen rushed inside, followed by a horde of servants carrying trays with covered plates and a big tureen, jugs filled with water and carafes with both red and white wine, a bowl of fresh fruit, a large basin filled with hot water, soap and towels.   
Last man in was Gaius, with an expression between annoyance and amusement on his face.

Arthur had hastily stood up and received hugs from Morgana and even Gwen. When they saw Merlin´s bruised face and wrists, Morgana´s eyes filled with tears and Gwen audibly sucked in her breath.

"Oh Merlin, I am so sorry! Gaius and I tried to persuade Uther to let you go from the witch finder, but – but I ruined it all! I´m so very sorry…"

Morgana sat on the bedside and took Merlin´s hand. He smiled faintly and said:

"Could you all do me a favour? Please stop apologizing."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The king leaned back in his armchair, closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed his forehead. His son had let him – his father, his king! – wait five days before he had appeared in Uther´s private chambers, and on top of that Arthur had just raging accused _him_ of that young Merlin´s sad fate. Of course it was very unfortunate that the boy had been abused by Aredian, but on the other hand, the man was now dead and had died by the prince´s hand.

"Arthur!" he said sharply and his son at last stopped pacing around and shut up.

"Arthur", Uther continued, "I regret that your servant –"   
"His name is Merlin, and he is more than a servant!" Arthur snapped.

Uther sighed with demonstrative patience.

"- _Merlin_, was maltreated during Aredian´s interrogation. It was certainly not my intention; don´t you dare accusing me of allowing my subjects to be tortured. But as you know, witchcraft and sorcery are crimes that must be dealt with very seriously – if we treat them mildly we will soon have them infesting the whole country."

"And don´t forget that Aredian apparently found _something_ which woken his suspicions. But since the boy is alive and Aredian is not, I want to know what happened that morning."

"It´s very simple, _Sire_." Arthur said haughtily, "When I entered the witch finder´s chamber, it was empty, but the things in there and….. the blood spots, made it clear what kind of ´interrogation´ that had taken place, and I called for Merlin."

"So when I saw a faint light from the keyhole of a door obviously leading to the next chamber, I took no risks, but had drawn my sword when I opened the door. And it proved to be the right thing, because first I saw Merlin on the floor, naked, chained and covered with blood, and the next moment a tall man attacked me with a dagger."

Arthur had now forgot his arrogant manner and instead sounded genuinely upset.

"I ran him through before I could think, it was pure instinct. It was him or me. But I can´t say that I´m sorry I killed him."

Uther looked at his son for a while without saying anything. Arthur did not look away.

"Well," the king said eventually and walked up to Arthur and put a hand on his shoulder, "since Aredian attacked the crown prince, he had forfeited his life anyway. I am very glad that you have a well-trained sword arm. And you have my permission to give your serv- to give _Merlin_ what you think fit to pour some balm into his wounds, so to speak."

Uther patted his son a bit awkwardly on the back and at the same time mildly pushed him a bit towards the door.

"Well, now I hope that we´ve heard the end of this dreary business. Send my regards to Morgana and Gaius" the king concluded as he turned to his papers on the table. Arthur bowed stiffly and marched out without a word.

As Arthur walked down the corridors, he had to stop now and then and bang his fist into the wooden panels, into the tapestries, anything to let out some of his frustration from talking to his father.

"…´you have my permission´…" he muttered and gritted his teeth. "…´this dreary business´…"   
"Yeah, right, Merlin gets whipped and frightened and beaten half to death and it´s all just a dreary business!"

Arthur slammed the door to his chambers and threw himself on his bed like an angry five year old. He breathed heavily against his pillows and pressed his face against them to let out a muffled scream. When he rolled on his back again panting, with a red sweaty face and tousled hair, he even looked a bit like five-year-old angry Arthur.

He stared up in the canopy as his breathing went back to normal. Why was he suddenly reduced to a screaming child this time? – it was not only his father´s behaviour, he was unhappily used to that. But something about what had happened to Merlin those long hours in Aredian´s hands, made him feel so utterly powerless and frustrated and filled with rage that he wished he could kill Aredian ten times over.

And then a memory hit him: the instant before Arthur thrust his sword through Aredian, the man had stopped in his attack, almost like something had struck him. That instant had given Arthur the time he needed to focus and to kill. What had happened? Had the man suffered from some heart failure or some sudden internal haemorrhage? Arthur thought of the pink foam coming from Aredian´s mouth – that had been very strange.

Then he shook his head, trying to shake off the image.   
Anyway, Aredian had got less than he deserved, he thought. It was Merlin that was his concern now.

The feeling that something had changed between them that moment alone in the hospital chamber lingered. Arthur did not care anymore what Uther, the other knights - or anyone for that matter – would think or say. Merlin somehow belonged to him. He belonged to Merlin. It was right. He just wanted to mend what was broken in Merlin, to hold him.

¬- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The small room was in semi-darkness, the only candle making a soft glow, and Merlin lied in his bed curled on his side. Gaius came in with two mugs and sat in the cushioned chair he had put beside Merlin´s bed. Earlier, he had given Merlin some herbal decoction for easing the pain; he had carefully examined the boy´s rectal area and given him an ointment.

"You will heal, you know", Gaius said as he sat down in his chair and handed Merlin a mug of hot tea. He took a sip from his own mug and looked at Merlin.

Merlin nodded indifferently and sipped his tea in silence.

"I don´t know what that villain said to you – I´m sadly aware of what he did physically to you – but what ever it was, it was a pile of crap!"

At the last word Merlin looked up and raised his eyebrows; it was surprising to hear Gaius use such language. Then he shook his head.

"I know that in my mind, but in my heart there´s still doubt…. He.. he got me saying things I never thought would come from my mouth… I was so terrified, it hurt and I felt completely alone. I couldn´t even use my magic – until….. " He fell silent.

"But you found the strength in the last moment, didn´t you?" said Gaius quietly.   
"I only half remember now what spell and force passed through me. It was something about lightning…. and blood."

"Well, well, that explains a thing or two." Gaius said dryly. "Before they threw Aredian´s body in an unmarked grave, I shortly inspected it. It looked like the man´s blood had started to boil in his veins before Arthur cut him down. No wonder he looked so horrified."

Merlin stared at Gaius who drank his tea with a neutral expression on his face.

"You mean – I – I _cooked_ him?!" he spurted out at last.

With a hard glint in his eyes that Merlin had never seen before in his mentor, Gaius replied:   
"Perhaps that was the most suitable ending of his life, bearing in mind all victims he sent to the stake."

There seemed to be nothing more to say, so when they had finished their tea Gaius stood up and took their mugs, ready to leave. Before he left, he softly stroke Merlin´s hair.

"My boy, I am sorrier than I can say. Remember that the witch finder knew all about torture, including the torture of man´s mind. He tried to break you in every way, but you were stronger and more goodhearted than him. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is all his."

With these words he left the room; the candle was still lit and the door ajar. With a sigh Merlin pulled the blanket to his chin and closed his eyes.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The summer progressed in heat and occasional thunder storms, and one particularly rainy night, Arthur sat alone in his chambers with too much wine for one man to drink and not make a fool of himself.

As Arthur had taken Uther by his words, Merlin had been released from the servant´s duties and Arthur and Merlin had spent a good deal of time together the past weeks, enjoying fishing, a bit of swords training (that is, Arthur trained and Merlin watched) or just idling about. Occasionally they talked to and had a laugh with Morgana and Gwen. But they had not returned to that tender moment in the hospital room. Neither had they touched the subject of the witch finder and his interrogation methods.

Arthur felt dreary at the moment. He filled another cup with the red, full-bodied wine and muttered to himself staring gloomily into the fire.

"I´m a total coward. An idiot. He´s right, I am a prat."

"So you´ve realised that at last! You know, it´s a sign of maturity."

Merlin´s sudden voice made Arthur´s heart to skip a beat. He turned his head and saw his friend lean against the doorpost with his arms folded and a friendly mockery face.

"Yeah, like you would know! Come in and do your duty and help me drink the wine!"

"Yes sir!" In an instant Merlin had closed the door behind him and thrown himself down in the chair next to Arthur, who poured him a full cup.

"To a dear prat I know!" Merlin raised his cup in a toast.

"To a lovely cheeky sod I happen to know! Arthur raised his cup too. They both grinned and drank.

They managed to keep their cheerful bickering as they emptied the first carafe of wine. But when they started on the second carafe, the pauses between the words became longer and longer and were not entirely due to increasing drunkenness. At last, Merlin locked eyes with Arthur and said:

"Why did you call yourself a total coward? You´re one of the most courageous men I know."

Arthur suddenly winced and managed to put down his cup before he spilled it´s content. He looked away.

"I.... I didn´t think of you that day, that you could be in danger, before it was too late. I was an idiot to leave on a hunt like that. I could only think of myself and my anger."

Silence.

"And weeks ago I started to do something I wanted to do, but then I felt ashamed and could not fulfil what I…. started. And all this time I haven´t had enough courage to ask you, so yes, I am a coward. A complete idiot."

"What did you want to do? Or ask me?" Merlin said cautiously.

Silence. Arthur still did not look at him.

"Did you want to know what _he_ did to me? In detail? Perhaps you want to know if I really _liked_ it?!? " Merlin was suddenly in a rage. He rose a bit unsteadily and stared at Arthur.

"Come on, admit it! Do you want to hear how he got a hard-on from beating me and how he pushed his prick inside me till I screamed with pain? Want to hear that I begged him to let me suck him, so he wouldn´t hurt me more!? How he told me I was a whore and then was right?! How he made me into NOTHING!!"

The last word rang against the walls together with the clank of the thrown cup. Merlin let out some angry sobs and furiously tried to rub away his tears. Arthur had first stared horrified at him but now stood up and very lightly put his hands on Merlin´s shoulders.

"No", Arthur said, "he didn´t succeed. You are everything valuable. You are my most loved friend, very brave and very proud."

"And I don´t want to know anything that you don´t want to tell me. He was a torturer and rapist by profession and he used all his skill to try to break you. It had nothing to do with who you really are, your true self!" Arthur was almost overwhelmed by his need to comfort Merlin, to make him see clearly again.

Merlin still cried, but calmer now and when he looked into Arthur´s face, he saw only honesty and - love. Merlin took a small step into his friend´s arms and leaned his head against Arthur´s shoulder. Hesitantly at first and then very carefully like Merlin was a bird who could be scared away by any sudden movement, Arthur put his arms around him. They stood embracing like that for a long time while Merlin´s crying slowly died out. Then the only sounds heard in the room were the fire´s crackling and the rain against the windows.

Merlin raised his head but kept his arms around Arthur´s waist. Their faces were very close and both men felt the other´s wine breath.

Silence.

Arthur hardly dared to breathe as Merlin put his lips to his. Very lightly they pressed their lips together, then a little harder and then it was a real kiss.

Arthur opened his mouth a little and just let the slightest tip of his tongue touch the other boy´s lips, and Merlin responded by parting his own lips a bit. The kiss became a very long one.

"_This_ is was I wanted to do!" Arthur said when they stopped kissing for a second, and then they continued.

Neither of them was aware of how they had gotten to Arthur´s bed, but there they were and Merlin pulled off Arthur´s shirt. Then he started to pull off his own but froze with the hem at his nipples.

Arthur stretched out on his bed and said quietly:

"It´ s alright, do as you please. We´ll take this very, very slowly. We´ll do what _you_ want."

When Merlin hesitated, and seemed stuck without pulling the shirt either way, Arthur added:

"I know you must have scars, I saw the wounds. I don´t care, you know that I have scars too. They are alright."

"Yes, but you got yours in battle. I was just….. abused."

Merlin nonetheless took off his shirt and looked questing at Arthur, like he searched for any sign of distaste or disdain in his face. But Arthur just shook his head and held out his arms for Merlin. As they nuzzled in the warm bed, just feeling the pressure of the other´s warm skin against the breast, Arthur mumbled in Merlin´s ear:

"The wise man doesn´t show off his scars with pride but doesn´t hide them in shame either, because all people get scars in life. I got mine in one kind of battle; you got yours in another kind of battle. Who is to say which one is more glorious? It´s easy enough to defy an enemy with a sword in your hand, but you stood up to your enemy alone and unarmed. That´s courage."

_"Not exactly unarmed."_ Merlin thought. _"But how can I tell him that?"_

With closed eyes but not sleeping, he and Arthur lay quiet waiting for the dawn.


End file.
